How long has it been? It's been eighteen years since I've looked myself in the mirror. Not a typical one but a particular mirror when you need to reflect yourself on how you have become now. No one had ever bothered to ask me if I'm still alright. Or if I'm still the one they used to know before. As far as I knew, they still see me for being there...enough to be seen and passed by. My old classmates do. Forgotten friends do. And even the present ones I thought that stayed do. I usually forget myself sometimes. I forget what I need to do, my wants and even what I am living for. Maybe because I used to love others than myself. I thought if I could keep telling myself I'm alright (or maybe thinking still I am), I could already share my heart to anyone I really care for though they don't return the favor. I don't really ask for returns really but maybe just a little inside of me is beating for appreciation. But it never happened. So that's why I'm still locked up in the loner's diary. Not showing them but instead my real feelings are put into words.
Right now, I preferred to be alone. Sometimes I despised myself being in a group. It only offers me forced smiles, fake words and even a stumble backward to a corner so no one could see me and drag me to a beastly, pretending affairs. But I was not born to be timid, sorry for me. Although I'm wishing I could become one, my dreams in life was not for the laid-back people. I must go out there and be with everyone else as I could. I gather up my energies and keep talking and trying. But I'm getting tired of it. You must see my face whenever I get home and sulk to a chair, looking at none. This should be the end, I thought.
I gotta admit but no matter how tired I was, I'm still looking forward to my future self without these helpless thoughts and make-up faces. My path is yet left unvisited and I must reached those places with delight and excitement. But now I've learned to look for them bringing only my one body on it. People may come and go and it is the same with friends. I'll let go of them and have a life myself.